It is not that I have deliberately curtailed my exuberance fromcommenting on the political situation that has now been thrust upon us. In fact I have been considering the prospect of an election ever since rumours of Gordon Brown’s demise began some 2 years ago (1 if you wish to be charitable). The only reason that I have not put pen to paper is pure unadulterated apathy, and even though there is no option for the government but to throw itself on the mercy of the country I still find it incredibly difficult to summon up the minutest drop of enthusiasm for political charades.
Given the state of the country this is perhaps understandable, the public having been bludgeoned into a semi-coma by the global recession and the MP expenses scandal are now being asked to elect or re-elect the same people responsible for putting them in the coma in the first place.
Policies aside it is hard to find anything likeable about any of the political leaders in the present contest. It would appear that the option is between an alleged one-eyed bully, a guy who looks suspiciously like Berlusconi’s love child and someone who spends most of his time strolling around the Yorkshire Dales in cloth cap and a nylon mac.
They say that this election will be dominated by personality in a way that no previous election has been before, and looking at the candidates you can understand why so many voters are yet to be convinced by any of them. In Gordon Brown you have a man with the charisma of a used toothbrush, a man who has as much chance of winning a personality contest as Susan Boyle has of being voted Playmate of the Month. David Cameron oozes confidence in the way that a leaky car oozes oil. For a man of his wealth, letting his wife choose his wardrobe from Asda in an attempt to woo the ‘common man’ demonstrates the lack of understanding you would expect from an Old Etonian. As for poor old Cleggy, surrounded by his sidekicks Foggy and Compo, - need I say more?
It has been suggested that this could be a hung parliament, which is perhaps what many MPs deserved given their behaviour. Some say that Scotland and Wales could hold the key to this election. The nationalists may demand devolution, and I say give it to them, especially the Scots, so long as it stops their countrymen from invading Westminster and screwing up our economy.
When Tony Blur and William Vague did battle at the ballot box I thought that politics had hit an all time low in engaging the public interest. This upcoming election seems more likely to surpass even their dismal efforts to capture the imagination of the electorate.
Yet the media are still trying to hype up the contest in the same way that they do most events these days. This is not the X Factor, Strictly, Big Brother or Get me out of here – in sporting terms it is the equivalent of a midweek fixture between Bolton and Stoke towards the end of the season – a game in which the outcome is pretty meaningless since it affects none of the clubs at either end of the table.
I can’t remember the mass media being so excited about a non-event since Tim Henman made it into the second week of Wimbledon.
There is nothing ‘New’ about ‘new labour’ and while other parties can wax lyrical about the need for ‘change’, without a clear idea of what it is they intend to change, the country can only look forward to further years in the wilderness.
How can so many self-promoting, palm-pressing, baby-kissing, buffoons dominate the press and TV for weeks on end, yet essentially have nothing new to say.
Maybe we should adopt a TV style approach. Let’s dispense with the point-scoring, thinly disguised as debate, go straight for a phone-in vote and get the whole anti-climax over with as quickly and painlessly as possible – just as Tim Henman usually did.
