Is it me or has every third person I meet suddenly become a meteorological expert over the last month? It stands to reason in a country where predicting the weather is virtually a national sport. And if you can`t predict it accurately then you can always moan about it, which is just as well otherwise there would be no point to me writing this blog.
Once again the Somerset levels has taken an absolute battering, but this year so has most of the country. With Winter, albeit mild, still upon us there is little chance for the water to evaporate soon so it could be months before there is any respite for those who have been worst affected.
In amidst stories of the carnage was the much hyped coverage of what was expected to be an exceptional Severn Bore, due to the flooding and a high Spring tide. Dutifully the BBC sent their camera crews to watch the surfers ride the wave down the river. A crowd turned up at the crack of dawn to witness the event and the police turned out to watch the crowd. Maybe the high tide and the flood water canceled each other out because nothing seemed to happen, it was all over in a matter of seconds and I have seen bigger ripples in my bath.
Who would have thought that the main topic of general conversation in the west country pubs and cafes would ever be Dredging - clearly not the numb-sculls who sold the dredging equipment for scrap 20 years ago when they decided to let the land sort itself out. The Somerset levels are below sea level and as such have been managed as wetland for the past 800 years, with the exception of the past 20 years when it was decided that maintaining the land in the tried and trusted manner was too expensive.
There are plenty of candidates who should hang their head in shame for the way this tragic nightmare was allowed to happen, and their failure to respond in a timely fashion. Not least is the mindless spokesman who clearly befaddled by the situation reached for the official government excuse book and dredged the first stock statement he turned to - “The drains have overflowed because we have have been deluged with the wrong type of water”. Well, slap my thigh and call me Noah, there may be those that would argue that there are different types of water but to do so would be missing the point. It would not matter if what has fallen from the skies was water, blood, champagne or molten gold, the bottom line was that the drainage system was not up to the task of dealing with the huge amount of water. Water, no matter what type it is, will do what it always has and find the path of least resistance.
My property was once flooded when a local fast-food outlet, despite numerous warnings from the council, continually poured their used cooking oil down the drain causing silt to build up in the pipes. Thus the entire street awoke one morning to find raw sewage seeping up through the pores of their property. It is a very unpleasant situation and my heart goes out to those that now find their properties under feet (not inches) of filthy water.
To add insult to injury, as one commentator was quick to point out, the rivers in David Cameron's Oxfordshire constituency were dredged less than 2 years ago. Furthermore, it is believed that the flooding in and around Staines and Maidenhead was made worse by changes to the waterway system that were made in the area as part of the Queen's jubilee celebrations.
Being British those that have lost their homes and their businesses will undoubtedly pull through and rebuild their lives as they usually do, while the politicians waste even more taxpayer's money organising countless inquires as to how such devastation was ever allowed to happen. Then having decided on an option to prevent a further recurrence they will realise that there is no money to fund these proposals so they will then set up a series of reviews before kicking the matter into the long grass, which was a contributory factor to the problems in the first place.
I would prefer to hear answers and solutions though I doubt there will be many to come. What I expect to hear is a plethora of tall tales, and not just from the politicians. Once the water has subsided I fully expect to hear tales of basking sharks being sighted in Taunton High Street, livestock being stranded on roof tops, cats that have taken up residence in tree tops for weeks, 'My 40 days adrift on an airbed', Rick Stein's book of seaweed recipes, mutant crabs the size of footballs, etc.
The further west you go in this country the more far fetched the stories get. Let's not forget that the South West has given us the Beast of Bodmin, The Hound of the Baskervilles, clotted cream mines, a fair sprinkling of Arthurian and druid legends and a wealth of smuggling myths. It is hard not to be sceptical when 1 in 3 of the residents in this part of the world claim to be descended from a Piskie.
There have already been stories of farmers abandoning arable farming and turning their land over to paddy fields. I have also heard rumours of plans to populate the countryside with a network of huge umbrellas – why not get a sponsor to pay for it all? Dream on, maybe they could partially open and close them so that the rain could be spread more evenly across the land. Why not go the whole hog and build flood defences on the Severn Estuary or install a massive Archimedes Screw (no madam, it is not a sexual practice - Oh, it is in your household) to pump the excess water back into the Atlantic, or better still in the direction of France.
