Hell for Betsy! Its October already – the weather was better than we have had all Summer at the start of the month – 90 degrees in most of the UK while parts of Scotland and Northern Ireland barely scraped into double figures, what can possibly dent the spirits? Oh yes, its Strictly v XFactor yet again. At least we don’t have Big Brother any more – Oh; yes we do – its just moved to Channel 5. If there was ever a good reason to move to the remotest parts of the UK (where signals are sporadic) that alone would be it. It says much for the state of the media sector that we are still being subjected to these stalwarts which have surely passed their best before date, if not their sell by date.
I understand that the change for Big Brother from Channel 4 to Channel 5 was marked by a Celebrity edition featuring such well known luminaries as Jedward, Kerry Katona and Sally Bercow. Thankfully I was on holiday and missed the entire series, for which I was eternally thankful. Not that I have ever paid much attention to the programme, the very concept of which I find a complete turn off. Unfortunately, one of the key motivations behind these programmes is the selling of newspapers, so it is hardly surprising that the antics of some of the house guests are geared towards creating column inches, whether it be good or bad news.
Just when you think that Channel 5 have scraped the bottom of the barrel of Z-listers and wannabes so Strictly and XFactor come up with another crop of lame ducks to disgrace our screens for the next 3 months. I feel certain that the Oxford English Dictionary has a specific definition for the word ‘Celebrity’ however it would appear that each year TV executives are forced to creatively expand on this moniker as they struggle to find applicants willing to subject themselves to the ritual humiliation. There will always be a steady supply of bimbos who’s breast size is larger than their IQ but having sunk to the level of including the wife of the serving Speaker of the House of Commons and a flamboyant Australian Paparazzi photographer you really have to wonder how long it is before we get to meet the grandson of an extra who once appeared in 3 episodes of Crossroads.
As for XFactor, it would appear that it is no longer sufficient for you to be devoid of talent but you need a good cause to be in with a chance of making the final 12 acts. Having struggled to come to terms with the Halitosis that has blighted you since birth or working as a volunteer 7 days a week at a donkey sanctuary more than makes up for the fact that you are tone deaf and have the charisma of a lettuce leaf.
At least with Strictly the producers hedge their bets by ensuring that they can fall back on the professional dancers and the costumes to give the show some sparkle. The pretence of setting up a pensioner TV presenter against a retired sports star half their age seems a far-fetched concept but I feel sure that there are numerous contestants who will view this opportunity as a lucrative alternative to the pantomime circuit.
Probably the strangest of this year’s offerings is Channel 5’s ‘The Bachelor’. The concept of this programme is that eligible bachelor, Gavin Henson, has to ‘road test’ a bevy of 25 potential suitors in a quest to find true love amid a selection of exotic locations. Why couldn’t he simply use eHarmony like any normal person? I have a healthy respect for the Tangoed Welshman’s exploits on the rugby pitch but personally, I can’t see why anyone would wish to share their personal life with the viewing public. He clearly does not need the money and is more than capable of generating his own publicity both on and off the pitch so unless he has an ego the size of Wales (which I have never seen anything to suggest he has) I can’t for the life of me see what on earth convinced him that this was a good project to be associated with. If he were that egocentric then it poses a serious question about the type of girl who would wish to date such a guy.
Fundamentally, apart from Gavin Henson’s mum and friends and family of the potential suitors I do not see the attraction of this programme to a wider audience. Given that the programmes format requires the elimination of a contestant at the end of each programme this would seem to indicate that the audience could be down to the hundreds come the final stages. Unlike many of the other reality TV shows there is no audience participation. Perhaps the show would have more appeal if it was left to the viewing public to choose which contestants to eliminate (A bit harsh on Mr. Henson but then that’s showbiz).
Having only watched snippets from a few of the shows I can’t see how the programme has been structured or how the suspense can be maintained. 25 seems an odd number of contestants to start with. Only in America, it seems, do TV schedules run for 26 weeks and I can’t somehow see that the budget would stretch to a 26 week run with a weekly eviction. Allowing for 2 or 3 evictions each episode would reduce the length of the run but there is still a significant amount of airtime to fill and I am not sure that Gavin or the girls have the personality to sustain anyone’s interest for 3 months. In order to compete with the big boys for the headlines in the run up to Christmas my thoughts are that Channel 5 will pull a flanker, either (a) Gavin will mince off into the sunset with the cameraman or (b) He will have a change of heart and opt for a menage-a-trois or (c) the final contestants will have to mud-wrestle in order to win their man.
TV company bosses have proved in the past that they are reluctant to take a chance on new programme formats, or presenters, in times when budgets are under severe pressure so there is a strong possibility that we will still be sitting down to watch the same old shows for several years to come. With Ant and Dec’s batteries on charge until the New Year it almost makes you wish the BBC would let Andrew Lloyd-Webber lose on our screens again.
