Maybe it is the time of year, the weather, the changing seasons or the proximity of Christmas, whatever the reason it seems to me that the first fall of leaves from the trees is the signal for every enterprising trader and do-gooder to crawl out from the long grass and come knocking around the neighbourhood. The fact that alternate street lamps carry a notice forbidding the practice of cold calling is a sad testament to the standard of literacy in the area.
Working from home I tend to lock myself away in the attic so have generally worked up a heady stream of invective by the time I have walked down stairs to be greeted by someone with a moronic grin who immediately launches into a diatribe of scripted inanities that would make a daytime TV presenter blush.
To what extent I will allow them to continue is often determined by their purpose and their demeanour. Meter readers generally get an affable response while survey teams, satellite TV salesmen and persons hell bent on persuading me to change my utility provider normally receive sharp shrift. I usually allow double glazing salesmen the opportunity of trotting out their rehearsed pitch simply because I feel it must be a terrible affliction that they live with that prevents them from recognising that my property already has perfectly adequate double glazing.
What has particularly attracted my ire just now is the increasing number of do gooders, cranks and tree-huggers who simply turn up on the doorstep unannounced at all hours of the day and night. It has been well documented that people will turn to all kinds of organisations and support groups at times of turmoil and unrest so it perhaps understandable that all and sundry are using this opportunity to peddle their own brand of salvation.
It amused me when a pair of very respectable pensioners recently pitched up on my doorstep mid afternoon and asked me “Are you concerned about the economic downturn..... if so, Jesus Christ can help you.” My recollection of bible classes is particularly shaky for I can't recall reading anywhere that Jesus was a banker and even though most of those involved in financial services may think of themselves as Jesus Christ recent performance has rather disproved that possibility. If I am not mistaken was there not some edict of “Seeketh the Lord and ye shall find”? That being the case then surely the onus is on the individual to seek out the Lord or whoever they deem most capable of providing the salvation they crave. Doubtless there will be those who would point to other edicts such as “go forth and multiply”, which by pure coincidence pretty much paraphrases my stock response. However, I don't think that cold calling was quite the intention behind this idea.
I have yet to receive a call from the local Jedi or Satanist representative but can assure them of the same curt greeting that I would any other unwelcome visitor.
The global economy is in a mess and millions of people are worried about their present and future prospects. If seeking support from like-minded individuals helps them cope with the situation then good luck to them but it seems wrong to me that so many organisations are utilising this period of uncertainty as a recruiting drive to bolster their numbers.
In the words of the late Dave Allen, “Whatever your religion and wherever you are, may your God go with you.”
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