Silly Season Summary

The dumbing down of O and A level exams, the frailty of England's middle order batting, Prince William's nappy changing prowess, will we ever have sex with robots and Jeremy Paxman's beard – It can only be August and the Silly Season is upon us once again.

The annual scrutiny for the leadership of the political parties is not only the cheapest way of filling column inches for political commentators in the absence of MPs to give them sound bites but also forms a useful lead in to the conference season. Given the choice of reporting on a week of David Cameron's holiday antics or dreaming up a shortlist of likely and unlikely candidates who could fill his shoes I know which I would choose. It may be mischief making but the answer is simple, pictures of the aforementioned in Speedos and beany hat do not sell as well as speculation plotting his demise.

The Ashes series (part 1) was surprisingly good considering how inept both sides were at times. A few decent innings and good individual performances glossed over the fact that by and large there was a dearth of world class players and neither side had produced or did produce a performance of any consistency that would support their claims to be world-beaters. The weather may have played a considerable part in the outcome of 2 of the tests but the biggest disappointment to me was the influence of the technology, especially the 'snickometer'. As a traditionalist I was never in favour of the introduction of cameras and microphones to the sport. I felt it was a populist fad introduced by the television companies to spice up their presentation and still believe that before long we will have a presenter rushing on to the field of play at the fall of every wicket to capture the reaction of the batsman or bowler. Umpiring is a pretty stressful occupation without the scrutiny of cameras and slow motion replays, most of the time the umpires get the decisions right, so why make their job any harder by putting increased pressure on them. Having said that, I am in favour of having home country umpires – there are not enough elite umpires to cover all the cricket being played around the world and you can't expect them to maintain the same level of intensity when they are being called on to officiate in all forms of the game throughout the year.

I must admit that I slept a lot more soundly the night that I learned that William had been granted the honour of changing Prince George's first nappy but not quite as soundly as I did when Jeremy Paxman appeared on TV sporting a faceful of fuzz. Ordinarily this would have passed without comment but for the fact that the Newsnight presenter had pointedly made comment in a previous interview that 'No one would vote for the MP, Frank Dobson, because not only was he a politician but he had a beard.' - What an anchor! Rather than setting a trend for hirsute presenters his new addition only seems to have prompted a rash of articles on Pogonophobia (the fear of beards) – hooray for the internet and the spellchecker.

Despite having watched 'Westworld' in the cinema, the 1973 Yul Brynner sci-fi/western movie that depicted robots living alongside humans I have never given a great deal of thought to the prospect of having sex with a robot. The article that I read on this subject went on to explain how the latest models of sex toys have real hair and 'life-like' skin though there was a disclaimer saying that the toys lacked empathy. I would also hope that they come with a warning to those who have an allergy to Latex. I am no expert on robotics nor have I been intimately acquainted with any woman who has had extensive cosmetic surgery but I don't know of any other material that would feel 'skin-like' even if it does smell like a pair of old wellies. I think it unlikely that such a robot will ever feature on my Christmas list, the eyes alone would be enough to freak me out – I had nightmares when Palitoy brought out the Action Man with 'Eagle-eyes'. I even found the clockwork robot with the flashing red eyes that I received for my 7^th birthday disturbing. Then there is the issue of where would you put the batteries? Maybe there would be different models, different shapes and nationalities and libraries where you could hire them out – Perhaps they could be slot machines? I think that is enough on this subject – I remember how 'Westworld' ended; we have enough problems coping with our own intelligence let alone start picking fights with artificial intelligence and life forms.

The perennial argument over educational achievement shows no sign of decline. On the one hand politicians and educationalists want to see the number of pupils reaching higher grades increasing year by year and on the other there are those clamouring for subjects to be more appropriate to the workplace and exams to be more rigorous. With 25% of 16 to 24 year-olds unemployed or struggling to find work there has to be something radically wrong with system. I don't think the youth of today are any less ambitious than previous generations, nor do I believe that they are any more stupid. It is very hard to remain positive when so many doors are being closed in your face, equally there are only so many vacancies for forensic scientists, media consultants, psychologists and entertainers. The powers that be may continue to work their magic with smoke and mirrors, calling on the accountants to manipulate the figures in whichever direction it suits, the fact remains youth unemployment is scandalously high, not enough is being done to tackle it and we are storing up a time bomb for the future which extends far beyond the classroom.

As another August draws to a close we can set aside the silliness for another year and get back to the comparative normality of everyday life, whatever that is.