Sad
to see that no expense has been spared with this year's continuity
links on BBC2. Half a dozen warblers screeching 2, two, too, to …
2, two, too, to the tune of several traditional seasonal ditties. It
isn't even half way through the month and I am already climbing the
wall every time the closing credits of a program start to role. I
know that the BBC are under severe budgetry constraints but how many
media graduates were required to come up with the idea that simply
repeating the name of the station ad infinitum would convey the
spirit of Christmas.
I
would suspect that by the New Year there will be viewers seeking
counselling for post traumatic stress having had this wretched
tootling bouncing around in their heads for weeks. Remember the days
of the Soccer World Cup when the singing or humming of Nessen Dormer
was banned from the workplace? These days political correctness would
mean that such actions would breach employment law though I think
that if colleagues are determined to exercise their right to tootle
in the workplace then they should go and join the pariahs in the
smoking shed.
I
hope that other government agencies are also taking note of the BBC's
lead and look forward to seeing similar cut backs at a time when
austerity is the key word. Perhaps BoJo will send us each a party
popper in place of the New Year Fireworks celebrations. Maybe the
Queen could arrive for the State Opening of Parliament on a Tuk-tuk
in her onesie and a paper hat. Better still, forget the speech
altogether and just send an email.
Given
that literacy rates are falling why do we need libraries any more?
Why do we need to build more schools and hospitals? We don't have
enough teachers and nurses to staff those that we already have. Maybe
we can solve the overcrowding in our hospitals by installing bunk
beds.
The
country are not building enough new homes for us to live in, there
aren't enough graves to bury us in and the pressure groups complain
that there isn't enough free space for us to enjoy the countryside –
Nowhere to live, nowhere to die, I am not sure what the alternative
is.
I
am guessing that this year's FIFA Christmas party in Switzerland will
be the non-event of the year – expect a low turn out especially
from the South American delegations. At least Sepp Blatter, will be
able to save a few bob on Christmas cards. I don't expect he will be
receiving too many in the post either (other than from Russia or
Qatar), though he might just get one from the FBI which probably
won't be wishing him a prosperous New Year.
Congratulations
to Tim Peake on becoming the first British male astronaut, a proud
claim to list on one's CV but 6 months on the Russian Space Station
is a bit extreme in the Christmas avoidance stakes. Do you think
sprouts taste better in space? A question for Heston Blumenthal I
think. Personally my choice for avoiding the Christmas mayhem would
be to be an England test cricketer. They always seem to spend the
festive period in warmer climates, nice hotels playing with their
mates. I am available for selection and given their erratic batting
performances over recent years would consider that I still have
something to offer in the middle order or even at the top of the
line-up.
Congratulations
also to anyone who had a bet on Leicester being top of the Premier
League at Christmas, I suspect only hardened Foxes supporters would
have dreamed of that. I wonder what odds you would get on Donald
Trump becoming the next US President and Jeremy Corbyn the next
British Prime Minister. If that prospect doesn't strike fear into
your heart then you really should see a doctor (while there are any
left).
Once
again the press have been talking up Christmas ever since August,
oblivious to the grim events that have taken place over recent
months. Barely a day has passed without headlines of global economic
crises, immigration concerns, corporate corruption, terrorist
atrocities, global warming, Chelsea's demise or falling audience
figures for the X-Factor. Never has the festive notion of peace,
forgiveness and well being to all mankind been under so much threat,
for that reason alone I shall be putting up the decorations, lighting
a candle, sipping a toast to absent friends and hoping that a mince
pie (or two) will not leave a bad taste in my mouth.
A
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to one and all.
